8. Church Bullies

Do you remember those obnoxious kids from your school years whom you prayed each night you wouldn’t see the next day? Maybe they were the ones who would beat you up for your lunch money, or perhaps they were the mean girls whose assaults were more verbal than physical. Either way, bullies are bullies. They aren’t nice. They make kids cry. They wreak havoc on our self esteem. We seem helpless and cower when they’re around.

Now skip forward a couple of decades. Instead of being in school, you’re in church. There’s a guy in your church who’s always making a scene at business meeting. He stomps out of any service that’s not to his liking because of any number of reasons:

a. The music was composed after 1937

b. He doesn’t think the speaker is worthy to be heard

c. Something’s happening in the service that “we didn’t vote on”

d. The temperature is too hot or too cold

e. And many, many more reasons.

He does a somewhat decent job of hiding behind the façade of holiness and purity of doctrine, but he is a bully. A church bully, to be exact. When he doesn’t get his way he accuses, stirs up trouble, and rants that the church of today is going to hell in a hand basket (a term I have yet to figure out). He may even stir up trouble outside the church by writing a letter to the editor of the local newspaper or your state Baptist paper, complaining about the goings on at the church.

Most people in the church don’t particularly like him, but they tolerate him because they’re under the impression that “Jesus loves him, so I guess we have to as well.” This church bully is similar to the school bully who would put his fist in your face and demand money. But there is another kind of bully lurking in the pews of your church – the power bully.

The power bully doesn’t raise his voice or make a public spectacle of himself like his counterpart does. If he lost his cool, he would lose the respect and power that he craves. Most likely he’s respected by many in the congregation. However, his death grip on the position (or positions) of power in the church often sucks the joy out of ministry. Because of his power and influence, the programs, people, policies, and personnel (my alliteration gives away that I’m a pastor, doesn’t it?) he doesn’t approve of somehow go away.

How does one handle a church bully? Of course, it is easier to say how to do it than it is to actually do it. But often it’s like ripping off the bandage stuck to the hair on your arm – you just have to grit your teeth, yank it off, and endure the short-lived pain. In 1961, the episode “Opie and the Bully” of The Andy Griffith Show taught us how to stand up to those who terrorize your life. Opie was constantly harassed on the way to school by a bigger boy who demanded Opie’s lunch money with the threat of a “knuckle sandwich.” Opie learned the lesson through his Pa that you first try to work out things diplomatically. If that doesn’t work, then you’ve got to stand up to the bully, take your licks, and get on with life. If you don’t do this, you’ll live your life constantly cowering around the bully.

Whether it’s at school or at church, this is what has to happen. Good luck!

7. Clergy Appreciation

Wow, has it really been almost 3 months since my last post?

We’re half-way through October, which is also known as Clergy Appreciation Month. Some churches may call it “Staff Appreciation” or “Minister Appreciation” but it’s all the same – many churches recognize their staff, or at least their pastors, to show how much they are appreciated. I currently serve in a great church, but they don’t do too good of a job each October. If it is remembered, it is usually an afterthought. But more on that later.

I realize that there are some jerks who are in ministry. I’ve worked with some and have heard horror stories of others. But for the most part, pastors are in their position because are called of God. They are not in it for money, power, or prestige. In fact, many pastors left the security of their successful secular jobs, along with the salary and benefits, to follow their calling. As a pastor, I don’t want this to sound self-serving, but ministers are people who occasionally need their ego stroked. I’m not saying that we’re a needy group of guys, but often the task of ministry is unrewarding. If you think ministers have it easy, go hang out with one for a day or so.

If you’re a “lay person” (that is, one who isn’t paid to go to church), can I offer some recommendations of things to do and not do to show your pastors how much they are valued?


DON’TS

(1) Please don’t say something generic like, “Let me know if I can do something for you.” Most of these type of statements are truly heartfelt, yet usually don’t result in any action. It’s not likely that your minister will reply with, “Sure, come over and cut my grass. And you can take my family out to eat tonight. And tomorrow if it’s not too much trouble.”

(2) Some churches place an ad in their local newspaper describing how much they love their pastor(s). There are several things wrong with this:

a. Fewer and fewer people read the newspaper anymore. Even fewer read ads about something they think uninteresting

b. Of the people who do read the ads, what do they think? Your church members: “Yep, there’s my pastor. I sure do like him.” Your pastor: “Yep, there’s my picture. What a waste of money.” Other community people: “Where is the sports section?” In this society of ever-increasing skeptics, the average person who doesn’t attend church probably also doesn’t care how great your pastor is.

c. Most church budgets are tighter than ever. Why spend $200 or more on a one-time ad for a newspaper when there’s so many other needs? Is this really a good stewardship of resources?

(3) Don’t forget other ministerial staff members. In a multi-staff church, the lower down the hierarchy the staff member is, the more likely they will be overlooked. Do something nice for that middle school minister at your church, even if you don’t have any kids in middle school.

(4) Unless your minister has indicated that he or she would like the newest edition of the William Shatner Study Bible (King James Version), then please don’t buy them a Bible. Especially a “gift” Bible – you know, the kind you can get at your local dollar store. Chances are, your minister has multiple copies of God’s Word in his office, home, computer, and smart phone. Instead, ask him if there's a book or commentary he would like to have.

DO’S

(1) Give your pastor a gift certificate to a local restaurant. Make sure it’s one he likes, though!

(2) How about an all-inclusive night. Buy a couple of passes to a local movie theater, a gift card to a restaurant, and enclose an offer to watch his kids.

(3) Take a few minutes and write a note. No, don’t open a new Word document or email, but write a note and send to him. Again, don’t use the generic terms of appreciation, but specifically name three or four qualities you admire about him and why those are important.

(4) Unless he’s a stickler about his yard’s appearance, get a group of people together, go to his house, and cut, trim, rake, and haul off (don’t leave a bunch of bags sitting by the curb in the front yard!).

(5) Cookies are ALWAYS welcome!

(6) Think outside the box a little: why not consider a gift certificate for something like a one-hour massage. Your pastors are usually under more stress than you realize, yet most have probably never received a massage.

(7) Anonymously mail him a note with a $20 bill (or more!). That’s one less thank you he has to write!

One final thought: why not be nice throughout the year? Instead of compartmentalizing your generosity in October (and maybe December), why not surprise your minister with a kind act of appreciation two or three times a year? This is what I currently experience. Even though I may not get an official clergy appreciation gift card this month, I know that occasionally when I go out with my family to a restaurant, someone will pick up my ticket and pay. I receive a note of appreciation from different people throughout the year. It’s good for a minister to know that he’s appreciated, and not just during the month when a congregation is “supposed” to honor him!
Hopefully this will expand your think a bit concerning clergy appreciation. Oh, and if you really want to do something nice, try being supportive instead of argumentative in your next business meeting! :)